Preventing Fallout from Office Romances
Image: Volodymyr Hryshchenko
Most of us spend more time at work than anywhere else in our waking lives, so it makes sense that many people develop romantic relationships with colleagues. As long as everything is consensual and boundaries are respected, that may be just fine. But to maintain a healthy work environment, a company should consider power dynamics, the potential for unfair treatment, and issues that develop when relationships end.
It’s a good idea to have company policies related to workplace relationships, and to ensure that those policies are communicated to employees. Which policies you set may depend on your company culture, organizational structure, and the relationships that already exist within your company.
Office romances are common
Surveys have shown that somewhere between a third and 77% of employees are currently romantically involved with someone they work with or have been in the past.
More than three-fourths of those who say they’ve been involved with someone at work also say that they didn’t disclose the relationship to HR or their employer. And most people say either that their company has no policies about employees dating or that they don’t know what it is.
The simple truth is that workplace relationships are common, and they’re often conducted without any safeguards for fair employment practices, good work environments, and company liability.
Issues that can arise
No matter how people meet, if they choose to start a romantic relationship, their community typically wants them to succeed. But when the two people are colleagues in a work environment, it’s important to understand what can go wrong in order to put safeguards in place.
Power dynamics and sexual harassment
When one person in the relationship has more power than the other, problems can arise. This is especially true if one of the people is the direct supervisor of the other. It’s also true if one is an executive and the other isn’t, even if they work in different divisions.
Because we do not yet live in a world free of sexism, women are often at a disadvantage. They are more likely to feel coerced into engaging in a heterosexual relationship or to be harassed by a male colleague’s advances.
Work environment
Coworkers may be uncomfortable if romantically involved colleagues engage in public displays of affection, such as holding hands, massaging each other’s shoulders, or kissing at the office.
If the relationship dissolves, colleagues may be subjected to the couple’s bickering, inability to work together, or otherwise creating an awkward and unpleasant environment. Employees may feel they need to take sides in a breakup, which can threaten working relationships.
Nepotism and favoritism
Intimate relationships can lead to unfair hiring or promotion practices, or may result in one person receiving opportunities that other employees don’t have. Even if neither person in the relationship actually shows favoritism, the appearance of a conflict of interest may cause resentment and frustration among co-workers.
Potential violence
When a relationship ends, if one person considers themselves the injured party, resentment and anger can build to a dangerous level. If the two people work together, they may have to see each other frequently. At the extreme end of the spectrum, one of the parties may resort to violence, endangering everyone in the company and its customers. Fortunately, this is a rare occurrence, but some HR professionals have shared harrowing experiences.
Create safeguards
Prohibiting workplace romances outright isn’t likely to prevent them from occurring. In fact, such a prohibition can cause people to hide their relationships, making it harder to manage any issues that arise. Therefore, a better approach is to create policies to protect employees and the company. As with all policies, it’s a good idea to review them regularly and revise them as needed.
Publish a formal policy
The policy you develop needs to be clear, and it needs to be official. Publish it so that employees can reference it easily. Include it in the employee handbook and online employee resources. Discuss it during orientation or onboarding sessions, and make it part of sexual-harassment training. Ensure that employees and their managers know the policy exists and that they understand how to apply it.
Document everything
Your policy should define how and when the company should be informed about a relationship. Some employers require employees to sign a “love contract'' that acknowledges the relationship and the expectations of behavior in the office. Whether you require that or not, you should keep some documentation of the consensual nature of the relationship and of its starting point in case of future claims of harassment.
Determine reassignment policies
Most HR professionals agree that relationships between managers and their direct reports, or between executives and any subordinate, should not be allowed. Some prohibit couples from working on the same team.
Decide what you’ll require when such relationships arise. Is it sufficient for one person to transfer to another department? How can you ensure that the person who moves or quits doesn’t feel coerced into doing so? It shouldn’t always be the person with less power (often the woman in a heterosexual relationship) who transfers or resigns.
Establish expected office behavior
However employees interact with each other outside the office, at work they should be professional. Don’t permit hand-holding or other obvious public displays of affection at the office.
Consider your company culture
Your policy should be appropriate for your company culture. A small start-up might have looser standards than a large company. No matter the size or nature of the company, your policy should always be designed to protect the people involved in the relationship, their colleagues, and the company.
Some companies have rules intended to prevent sexual harassment. They may limit the number of times an employee can ask another on a date or specify that an employee can’t ask someone out if they haven’t met.
If you’re unsure how strict to be, or how employees will react to a policy, ask them. Employees are the ones most affected and may propose nuanced approaches to policy that will achieve the goals while allowing some flexibility.
Recognizing that romantic relationships happen in the workplace, anticipating issues that could arise, and communicating clear expectations can help you ensure that your workplace is a healthy, productive one, whether relationships end with a happily ever after or not.